XI
truggling to make sense
of my feelings, I turned to painting to seek their systemics. Perhaps if I
understood why beauty mattered to art I can see more clearly why beauty so
mattered to me now. Was there a clinical solution to this? Art and beauty can be
scientifically analyzed. It isn't so clean a study that one can create art
mechanically but art can be studied and explained with some certainty. The
golden rectangles, mathematical measuring of man's ideal proportions, colour
wheels and other principles of composition all speak to the not unreasonable
idea that the human brain sees beauty in certain symmetries based on the
physicality of the human form. A simple example is how we find vertical
paralleling much more comfortable and pleasing than horizontal paralleling. We
like to see a harmony between left and right sides of an object. Certainly an
imbalance between left and right in works of art appears remarkable to the
viewer much more so than the imbalance between top and bottom. The imbalance
isn't bad, of course, but it is remarkable and so catches the notice of the
viewer for effect. Likewise, gravity matters in art and a composition that is
top heavy will stand out much more than a bottom heavy one.
Pairings are strongly resonant in art as are triads. Pairings
work well because of the human distinction of male and female. Triads are
comfortable though never evenly balanced because in the human experience, the
association of three is normally to the family unit or child and parents. One,
four, and five are not nearly so conducive to beauty. If there were three
genders among humans or our left and right sides were mismatched, I am certain
that our aesthetic would be completely different. Our notion of beauty is more
physical than spiritual.
That doesn't mean that we don't respond to beauty in a spiritual way.
Intelligent design. We see in art symmetry of science and nature. Now certainly
some will argue that there are free form artists who just express themselves
with abandon and without regard to design but I would contend that successful
expressionists create with intuitive awareness of design principles at the
minimum. Most are consciously making decisions based on what they know from
experience. Order is critical to aesthetic. Even the air of chaos must be
ordered. There is but one way for chaos to achieve beauty and that is when we
perceive pattern and order in the chaos.
Great art is of spiritual significance because it brings to
light, within the viewer, perceptions of what is possible for humanity. It is by
necessity humanist. It does not follow from our perception of man's potential
genius that the gods must exist but it does follow that one gains new
appreciation for the qualities of man and thereby the self. This empowerment of
the self comes linked to a keener awareness of participation in the human race.
Awareness of art comes with an awareness of a fraternity of man and it is my
contention that this fraternity, this fellowship is on a spiritual perhaps
metaphysical level. If one was not already spiritually attuned, the discovery of
art begins to fill the viewer with an appreciation for a higher ideal than the
purely physical.
I did have a spirituality that was not related to any
divinity and it was only later that I came to realize what it was. I believe in
the spirit of mankind neither as a collection of individuals nor as a pulsing
alien life force. There is no afterlife for us but when the earth is a cold grey
rock and there is no living thing left in the universe to judge us, there will
still a lingering echo of what we had achieved. Extra-existentialism perhaps. In
the silent void of space, what was mankind? In the here and now are we
collectively as great a whole as we could be? Is our story a great one? It is a
philosophy that necessities a cold-hearted look at our general morality.
When we are inspired by the greatness of the pyramids we
cannot feel that their worth is diminished by the death and suffering of those
who constructed them and it follows therefore that if the suffering of others in
the present is required to make manifestations of genius then it is all
worthwhile for the legacy of man. If I am forced to choose between a mankind
that was happy and caring while it existed and one that strove to great heights
of achievement I am obliged to embrace the latter. That doesn't mean that we
must ignore the quality of life for humanity in pursuit of art but it does mean
that suffering can be done for the sake of mankind's achievements. If I can
suffer to find my genius then mankind can suffer to find its.
Does this philosophy of aesthetics bring me any closer to
understanding my particular fascination with my Beatrice? It perhaps offers some
insights so I look to discern what I can of the order and rationality of it.
She was a marvellously creative creature and I was one struggling for
creativity. When the attraction began I was not even yet fully aware of what the
creative urge could (and perhaps should) be. Here was someone fully at ease with
passion. She was one in harmony with her family and I was disconnected from mine
own.
One part of the attraction, I discovered much later, was
surely mere genetics. I am of thick Scottish heritage but live completely
disconnected from that people. When paying closer attention though to what the
northern Celtic women looked like I was somewhat startled to find them pale, red
headed, of strong, determined features and of a norm, not at all fitting the
western norm for beautiful.
That leads toward too simplistic an essay though. If she but simply filled all
of my holes and completed all of my broken halves she would be only a crutch.
True, it is possible that was all that she was to me but if my being so
forcefully drawn to her was to say anything as positive as the feelings
suggested then there had to be more. It was as though I was seeing Genius but
could not discern what made it so, much like a naïve child gazing up at a
Leonardo.
If there is to be some symmetry, some order to this
relationship then I must be providing some strength also. Certainly it was not a
relationship in normal ways and I was not imparting any of myself onto her life
so whatever chromatic balance is to be found in this it must be on a level that
is entirely personal. She could be an artifice and the integrity of the symmetry
would need be maintained.
There is the rub though. I was so lacking in self-confidence
that I could not discern in what way this fantasy pairing could somehow have
myself as an equal participant. I believed earnestly that my feelings were
ennobled by this spiritual attachment and knew to my marrow that there was
something powerful and good coming form this passion.